Caution- Some things to avoid when being a true gentlemen

  
Every Gentleman faces one big problem in our modern age; that problem is that our culture and our pursuit as gentlemen are at odds. Unfortunately we absorb a lot of our cultures teaching simply through osmosis. Just by being born into our culture we are indoctrinated with certain norms and ideas that are not correct if we are to live as gentlemen. I am going to outline three categories of everyday life and how we can avoid certain aspects of them so as to be true gentlemen.

1. Speech:

a. Avoid conditional and filler speech- This speech mainly deals with the words "maybe" and "like." "Please like stop using the word like, like so much, it’s kind of maybe annoying you know." As gentlemen our speech needs to be clear and confident. Nothing muddles up a sentence faster than the word like, and nothing can confuse a woman (or anyone) better than the word maybe. You may not believe that you do this at all, but I invite you to try an experiment. Choose a day, and bring with you a notebook to track how many times you say like, or maybe. It will astound you how often you are not being clear or confident.

b. Avoid this list of words
-Chick
-Hot
-Babe
-Dude
-Basically anything that makes you sound like a tool or a frat boy. (Don’t talk about your truck if you have one!!!)

c. Avoid thinking ahead of her: LISTEN AND THEN RESPOND- live in the moment with her, clear your mind. Nothing is more annoying than feeling like your not being listened to. Try to flow with the conversation, avoid brining up stories that don't relate just because you want yo impress her.

2. Ideas:

a. Have you ever seen a guy walking with an attractive woman and thought "Man what did he do to get her" as if his character or his lifestyle qualified him for some beautiful woman. This thought reflects a cultural idea that women are trophies to be won by the valiant or the handsome. As Vesper said to James Bond in Casino Royale "You think of women as disposable pleasures, rather than meaningful pursuits" This idea can lead to some discouragement as well, you might be tempted to think that the reason you don't have an attractive woman at your side is because of some intrinsic worth you don't possess. Or if only you had some skill, or were better looking, or had made better decisions than you would have qualified for a beautiful woman. You can see the problem with this very toxic idea. Women are people, not trophies or objects to be won in some invisible race of masculinity. They are people, and as people they deserve your honor and respect.

b. We have a tendency to believe that attractive people are worth more, or deserve more of our time. Our society has taught us that the only women worth pursuit are the ones that we feel overwhelming attraction for. Thanks to Hollywood we can be easily fooled into ignoring or even mock girls we don't find attractive. Remember that all women are wonderful creations of a loving Heavenly Father; we need to treat them as such. Every woman deserves our time and attention, so avoid this tendency to favor the perceived attractive.

c. We need to avoid the idea that women just know what is going through our minds. We need to tell them of our intentions and of our thoughts. They want to get to know us, so feel free to share.

3. Deeds:

a. Look her in the eyes when you are talking. Men do not have powerful peripheral vision, meaning that in order to comprehend a person; our eyes have to dart around. Although this is natural, we need to avoid it. Nothing makes you look like a creep faster than some darty eyes.

b. Avoid driving too fast or crazy. Women are constantly projecting into the future, if they see your bad driving habits they might be put off. In addition, we as gentlemen have the duty to help our date to feel safe with us. This will go a long way, in more ways than you know.

c. Avoid putting down or mocking others while on a date, especially your waiter when you’re at dinner. Nothing is more unattractive then someone who can't say nice things about others.

There you go, hope these things can help you to examine your life and avoid cultural traps. One of my good friends Colleen is also writing a blog in the name great relationships. Click here to get access to a great blog.