Caution- Some things to avoid when being a true gentlemen

  
Every Gentleman faces one big problem in our modern age; that problem is that our culture and our pursuit as gentlemen are at odds. Unfortunately we absorb a lot of our cultures teaching simply through osmosis. Just by being born into our culture we are indoctrinated with certain norms and ideas that are not correct if we are to live as gentlemen. I am going to outline three categories of everyday life and how we can avoid certain aspects of them so as to be true gentlemen.

1. Speech:

a. Avoid conditional and filler speech- This speech mainly deals with the words "maybe" and "like." "Please like stop using the word like, like so much, it’s kind of maybe annoying you know." As gentlemen our speech needs to be clear and confident. Nothing muddles up a sentence faster than the word like, and nothing can confuse a woman (or anyone) better than the word maybe. You may not believe that you do this at all, but I invite you to try an experiment. Choose a day, and bring with you a notebook to track how many times you say like, or maybe. It will astound you how often you are not being clear or confident.

b. Avoid this list of words
-Chick
-Hot
-Babe
-Dude
-Basically anything that makes you sound like a tool or a frat boy. (Don’t talk about your truck if you have one!!!)

c. Avoid thinking ahead of her: LISTEN AND THEN RESPOND- live in the moment with her, clear your mind. Nothing is more annoying than feeling like your not being listened to. Try to flow with the conversation, avoid brining up stories that don't relate just because you want yo impress her.

2. Ideas:

a. Have you ever seen a guy walking with an attractive woman and thought "Man what did he do to get her" as if his character or his lifestyle qualified him for some beautiful woman. This thought reflects a cultural idea that women are trophies to be won by the valiant or the handsome. As Vesper said to James Bond in Casino Royale "You think of women as disposable pleasures, rather than meaningful pursuits" This idea can lead to some discouragement as well, you might be tempted to think that the reason you don't have an attractive woman at your side is because of some intrinsic worth you don't possess. Or if only you had some skill, or were better looking, or had made better decisions than you would have qualified for a beautiful woman. You can see the problem with this very toxic idea. Women are people, not trophies or objects to be won in some invisible race of masculinity. They are people, and as people they deserve your honor and respect.

b. We have a tendency to believe that attractive people are worth more, or deserve more of our time. Our society has taught us that the only women worth pursuit are the ones that we feel overwhelming attraction for. Thanks to Hollywood we can be easily fooled into ignoring or even mock girls we don't find attractive. Remember that all women are wonderful creations of a loving Heavenly Father; we need to treat them as such. Every woman deserves our time and attention, so avoid this tendency to favor the perceived attractive.

c. We need to avoid the idea that women just know what is going through our minds. We need to tell them of our intentions and of our thoughts. They want to get to know us, so feel free to share.

3. Deeds:

a. Look her in the eyes when you are talking. Men do not have powerful peripheral vision, meaning that in order to comprehend a person; our eyes have to dart around. Although this is natural, we need to avoid it. Nothing makes you look like a creep faster than some darty eyes.

b. Avoid driving too fast or crazy. Women are constantly projecting into the future, if they see your bad driving habits they might be put off. In addition, we as gentlemen have the duty to help our date to feel safe with us. This will go a long way, in more ways than you know.

c. Avoid putting down or mocking others while on a date, especially your waiter when you’re at dinner. Nothing is more unattractive then someone who can't say nice things about others.

There you go, hope these things can help you to examine your life and avoid cultural traps. One of my good friends Colleen is also writing a blog in the name great relationships. Click here to get access to a great blog.

A Real Connection- The Goal Of Any Good Man

   
A REAL CONNECTION- This is most likely the Holy Grail for any one who has ever taken a serious approach to dating. There seems to be this strange connection that all of our now married, or dating friends have found with their significant other. They tell us stories of how they "just knew" or how they feel like there is no one else in the world for them. They frankly, have been driving me nuts for the last while. I ask myself, what is great love? How do I find it? Is it a matter of whom, or just when? Maybe its a measure of the how? If only I could come up with some magical solution, I could simply apply some mysterious principal, then it would all come together and she would walk into my life.
     As single people, we are incomplete in a lot of ways. You've heard the old saying that your spouse will "complete you." I believe this is true, we need another person to help us feel whole, in a way that nothing else can. So the real question is, how do I find that person!?  Some think that its fate, or God, or something outside of themselves controlling the whole thing. I used to believe in destiny, until I realized that destiny must be in favor of the beautiful. So many more physically beautiful people find relationships and marry before the rest of us do. That is a topic for another day. So if its not destiny running the show, it must come down to our individual decisions. Now I do believe in God, I believe God is looking out for our best interest, I also believe God wants us to solve some of these life changing problems. I don't think he is going to make the most important decision of your life for you. I also believe that he has given us the tools to accomplish this monumental task. It is up to us to choose whom we will "tie the knot" with.
     As gentlemen, I believe we have the duty to prepare ourselves in every aspect to become men worthy of trust and parenthood. We need to be wise in our decisions and prudent with our time and money. There is however one problem!!! You can be a great gentlemen and never find that "real connection." Sure you can go on tons of dates, and each girl will feel like your something special. They even tell you they will be jelous of your future wife (very obviously not into you by the way). But if your anything like me, your going on dates, and trying your best to be your best, and things just aren't happening... yet.
    I am about to reveal what I think the key to finding that special person is. This has been something that I have been formulating for a while now, hence the lack of recent posting.
     The key to finding that great connection comes down to 3 important points.
1. Forget your expectations: Stop trying to fit the person you are dating or the person you are interested in, into some predetermined mold. Basically stop basing your compatability, or happiness with someone on whether or not that person conforms to your future plans. They are a person, a HUMAN BEING, capable of thoughts and feelings. They will change your life, they will mess with your plans, that's OK! You have to be willing to be happy without having your every expectation for that person and your life met. If you live with expectations and do happen to get married, you will most likely be divorced in a matter of years (selfishness never was happiness).  Simply feel for that deep connection. It might not be fireworks and stardust, (like you were expecting.) But it can be all it is supposed to be. You need to clear out the groundless thought that life, or people owe you anything and just plan to be surprised.
2. Spend Time: When dating someone, or trying to start to date them. You need to spend more than just a few hours every Friday with them at the movies or bowling. You need to spend time with that person. Connections are formed through time, most experienced married people will tell you that love is what you have been through together. Plan adventures and activities that will allow you to spend time with that person on a regular basis. Without pressure, just simply two people. Now please don't stop dating, courtship is still vital, just go above and beyond to give them your time. How often do you feel that people only spend time with you so far as you are useful to them? This happens to me all the time, and I hate it. Try to spend time with them, even if it doesn't benefit you directly. Take the time to really get to know them, really get into their life and their story. Then your free to make the call on whether or not you feel a connection.
3. GROW UP!: Its time to grow up. What I mean is that its time to come to terms with the fact, that forming a true connection takes time and self sacrifice. It will not always be happy go lucky time! This does not mean that it won't be amazing and surpass your wildest dreams, it will. You just have not experienced it yet, so how can you know what it should or should not feel like!!? You just need to realize, that you may have to give up your single "liberties" in exchange for the magic of a long term relationship. I love being single, its fun, its free, I don't have to answer to anybody. I also need to grow up, I need to be ready to form a deep connection, and leave all the other girls behind. I need to take courage and a leap of faith in order to have a deep connection.
     I went on a study abroad a few years back to Europe. On this trip I met and really found a great connection with a wonderful young lady. She wasn't a model, she wasn't perfect, she was just someone that I found I wanted to spend some time with (not to downplay her beauty, to me she was perfect). We had to stay together for 6 weeks while on this study abroad. We were forced to spend every waking moment together. You know what happened, a wonderful connection formed. Suddenly I didn't have access to the ocean filled with women in Provo. Suddenly there was only one person to connect to. What a great connection was formed, I felt in that relationship more of what I think true love will be than with any other person. All because there was a forced connection. There were no expectations, we spent a lot of time together, and therefor trusted each other deeply, and we had to just grow up. It wasn't about me anymore, I was able to give myself over quicker than ever before because I was away from the social pressures and the grass is greener syndrome. She eventually married someone else, someone with whom she shares a much deeper connection. But for me this was a profound learning experience.
     In closing I would say that the secret to finding that great connection is simple. If your looking for it, you just need to let go and go for it. I hope this makes sense, because these principals have changed the way I date. Remember the grass is greener where you water it!

Complimentary- A guide to a well placed compliment

Whenever I think of compliments, the old cliche "well you look really nice" comes to mind. Men since the dawn of time have been trying to find a way that they can tell women how they feel about them without coming off as a weirdo. I struggled with this for years until I met a man who had mastered it. He taught me the importance of compliments and more importantly their power. You see, men are mostly visual creatures, and women are much more audibly based. Hence men like movies with hot girls and women like Jane Austin. (at least generally speaking) So it works perfectly as men should have the ability to spot something they like about a woman, and women want to hear it. A mastery of language will go a long way when it comes to courting a woman.
In order to craft a compliment that will ring throughout the ages and win her heart, a compliment must have three characteristics: Originality, Sincerity, and Delivery.

1. Originality-

• Absolutely no pick up lines, using a pick up line is guaranteed to land you in the dog house. A compliment needs to be original, even unique to the woman to whom it is being paid. You need to come up with something better than, "I like your dress." Many women work hard on their appearance in hopes that we (men) will notice along with the other women.  
• Try taking a moment next time you have the urge to say "nice dress" and instead look at her honestly. Find something that is beautiful, be creative, it can be her hair, her dress, her shoes, it could be all of her. Then craft a statement, say something like "I love the way you make that outfit work so well", or "I love the way you have done your hair, it compliments you so well"

2. Sincerity-

• When it comes to crafting a well-placed compliment, sincerity might be the most important part. No one wants to feel pitied, so it is important that what ever you do say,YOU MEAN IT!! This is why the last tip is important, try to compliment something you really do like about her.  It always helps to take a moment to pause and be taken back by her beauty, this will help to ensure sincerity is communicated.
• Another great way to craft a compliment is to always compliment something about her, not just about what she is wearing. Now the compliment on looks does good, but a compliment that compliments her as a person is always better. For example, "I love how you are always so kind" or "I feel so good being around you because of your always so bright and happy." 

3. Delivery- 

• I am a strong advocate of timing, even a great compliment can be lost if not delivered properly. Always wait to compliment her when you have a moment alone. Right as you walk in the door for a date is a bad idea. Often there could be family, roommates, dogs, and her to interrupt your compliment. 
• Please make sure that the compliment does come early in the date, she will be wondering what you think about her outfit, so within the first ten minutes is a good rule to live by. 
• A great time to compliment a woman is during conversation, my favorite is when you open her door and she says "thank you," you say "you're welcome, hey I just wanted to say, you look absolutely wonderful tonight," (take a 1 second pause) Try to slid it in during conversation, its bad to interrupt a silence with the first comment being a compliment, it can be awkward.
• Pausing can also be powerful, after you compliment her let about one second go by after she says "thank you," just to let things sink in. 

Warnings: Classic pitfalls for compliments. 

1. Never become insecure about a compliment, if you say it, own it. 

2. If she try's to push off the compliment, reinforce with a simple yet solemn, I mean it.

3. Never be afraid to compliment her, even if you could be in earshot of someone else! 

Remember when it comes to communicating with a woman, clear and confident is the key. I hope these tips help you to win the heart of that woman you love. Strong compliments are just one of the many skills a woman will want in a true gentlemen, and if you master them, well just try it and see what happens. =)

If you have any questions or comments please feel free to comment below. 

Better Than Dinner And A Movie- Fun Date Ideas

This post goes out to every guy who has ever asked a girl out on a date ever!! The greatest challenge a man faces when going on a date is planning the date.  The date itself is going to be crucial in communicating not only your intentions but also who you are! So you can see the enormous pressure all men feel when going to plan a date.
I have included here a list of 10 date ideas. Use them as you will, I do encourage that you try to come up with something on your own. But if one of these helps that would be great. I will only be posting activities here, you can decide on dinner and desert. =)

1. Egg Drop
- You and your date (with another couple if you like) using select materials. (toilette paper, boxes, popsicle sticks, straws, tape, etc..) Take an egg, and using the materials design a divise to protect the egg from falling from a very, very, very high spot. (try to get at least 2 or 3 stories)

2. Scavenger Hunt- (group date)
- Yes, I know it is very cliché but it is a lot of fun. Especially if you make up some really random stuff. Grab your digital camera, make your list, and hit the streets.
- This is helpful when you want an excuse to pair off with your date but still have it be a group event.

3. Conduct a survey
- Sit down with your date and draw out some fun questions for a survey, then pick an accent to use when you interview. Then grab a digital camera and take turns filming the event (filming optional)

4. Dinner time
- Go to your local farmers market or your supermarket, and using the first letter in your names, pick out four- six ingredients to buy. Then take them home and try to combined them to make a meal for the two of you.

5. Play bigger or better
-Ok this idea might seem lame but it is a ton of fun. Take a small object that you don't mind giving away and go door to door at your friends houses, or random peoples houses and ask them to trade your object for something bigger or better. See how big you can go in just one our or more.

6. Make a puppet show
- Go to your local hobby store or craft store and using only $10 buy materials to make some puppets for you and your date. Then go back to your apartment and film a puppet show. You could swing by the store for some dessert as well.

7. Go to a show
- This might seem obvious but you would be surprised how much there is going on in your town. Your date will appreciate you doing your home work. Find a local event going on, it could be anything from a play to a comedy show. You could hit up a local band's concert, or go to a local art exhibition. After wards you just take a walk or get milkshakes.

8. Go hiking to visit a river or lake.
- Take a hike into the wild, while your walking pick up rocks along the way for skiping. Bring a bag to collect the rocks in. Make sure your hike ends with you two at a body of water big enough for skipping rocks. This date might seem boring, but don't be fooled, it is one of the best ones I have ever been on.

9. Bike ride
- Find some bikes, if you can get tandem that is the best!! Take a ride around your town. Take a digital camera or two and go take pictures of cool buildings. Go exploring and make sure you end up at the local ice cream shop.

10. Golf
- Ok I know that you might not be into golf, but this one is free and fun. Take two 5 irons with you to a park, then grab two tennis balls. Pick a starting point and make up different holes. It could be, jump over the bush, or hit the tree, you could even play tag with the balls.

There you have it. These are 10 of my favorite dates that I have ever done. I hope these can help you have some ideas. Remember to read my last post about great date tips, just to make what ever you choose that much better.

Please comment on this post with your reactions, but more than anything I want to see your own date ideas. For more date ideas go to http://niftydateideas.com/

Thanks.

Great Dates: Little things to make the date!

DATES- Tips to a great date. 

Dates are the bread and butter of courtship. You can "hang out" with a girl all you want, but until you actually buckle down and take her on a date, she won't see you as serious. Dates are a form of communication, as actions speak louder than words, the experiences you form with her will be important to how she perceives you for a future relationship. Through my experiences with going on dates, I have found a few things to be very useful in crafting a first class experience for any girl. 

Now I understand that every girl has different interests and a different style. So the things I am going to suggest are more about making what ever it is you decide to do more impressive.

1. Ask her out in person (if possible, absolutely no texting or Facebook!) 

- Every girl wants to feel special. By asking her in person you can communicate your intention more clearly and also get a good read on her reaction to being asked out. 

2. Arrive on time! 

- Even if it means waiting in the hallway for 3 min, make sure you are there at the time you said. 

- Too early, and your going to stress her out. Too late and your going to make her mad. 

3. Be Clean 

- This extends to all aspects of you. 

     - your car, your clothes, your body, your language, etc...

4. Open her door.

- Open the door to different establishments for her. 

- Only open the door getting into the car, when your getting out don't worry about it, she can handle it. 

5. When it comes to dinner.
- Less is more, try not to stuff yourself, just order enough food so you know you can finish. This will help you appear sensible, and avoid the image of a pig.
- Treat your waiter with respect!! - she will judge your future behavior based on this small encounter!
- After the waiter brings your meal, ask for the check right away, and pay it. This is so that when she is done you two can just leave rather than sit their and awkwardly watch you pay for the meal.
6. Drive Safely
- Not only do you want to have her home in one piece, but she will be thinking about your temperament as it relates to your driving.
7. After the date is done
- When you drop her off, if you plan on a second date, ask her out right there in the moment. That way you can know when you will see her again. This also helps to communicate your interest in her and show your confidence. Even if you don't have the date planned yet just pick a date and time and tell her you will get back to her on the details.
- Send her a thank you text or a note of some kind. 

What Im about-

"Any man has the chance to sweep any woman off her feet.. he just needs the right broom" Hitch

We've all been there, your sitting at school, or at the mall and all of a sudden you see it. A person, a person unlike any other person you have ever seen. Your heart jumps, but then your brain gets in the way, and you miss your opportunity. Or you've known somebody for months now and you can't seem to get them out of your head. They are perfect in every way. No one gets them like you do! Only if they could see you in a different light. If only you could get out of the "friend zone"? You could even be reading right now saying to yourself, "I don't have anyone that I'm interested in, I can't seem to find anyone at all!!" 

This Blog is dedicated to expressing my own ideas and hopefully helping others to find their love. 

This blog is not about relationships, its about how to get from, strangers or friends, to a relationship

I am not a relationship expert, and my ideas are of coarse imperfect.